Block of the Week: Slime

More gloopy and gross than when we forget to shower

Ewwwww. Do we really have to write about this? Can't we just write about the gold block again? Fine fine fine. We'll write about disgusting slime. Just don't be surprised if next week's block is made from our tears.

Let's try and keep an open mind. Maybe sticky, sickening, get-it-away-from-us slime isn't so bad. You'll need nine slime balls (gross) to craft a slime block (ick) in Minecraft. Better yet, why not do absolutely anything else?

Slime blocks can be used to bounce on, like some sort of snot-coated trampoline. The height of your bounce is relative to how far you fall onto the block. So if you say, fall six blocks of height and land on a slime block, you'll bounce four blocks high into the air! Wheeeeee! While this is a lot of fun, it does also mean your feet touched a slime block. You might want to burn those shoes. And those feet. Better safe than sorry.

The crafting recipe for a slime block! There's an achievement for bouncing high enough, but sadly no secret achievement for throwing the stupid slimeballs away and building something less icky.

We're getting queasy just looking at this photo. Could this be the most disgusting picture in Block of the Week history? Since this story doesn't have a photo of the author attached, yes. Yes it is.

Look, kids! It's your favourite nobel laureate, Hermann Staudinger! He made groundbreaking theories in polymer science, but sadly never explained the science of how he got so damn handsome.

So what about real slime? The slime you find in many toys is a polymer, a word pronounced like you're saying you don't think much of a woman named Polly (e.g. Polly? Meh). A polymer is a complex collection of molecules and so the man we have to thank/blame for slime is Nobel laureate Hermann Staudinger. The H-mann made major breakthroughs in how molecules worked in polymer science, which kicked off the production of synthetic polymers like slime. Chocolate is great! Sorry, that last sentence was completely irrelevant to this slimy story. We're just trying to cheer ourselves up because slime = the worst.

Now synthetic polymers existed, toy manufacturers went slime crazy. We got slime-based toys like modelling clay, silly putty, silly putty that glowed in the dark, ice-cream, sunshine and that new Zelda game! Sorry, those last three examples weren't true. Just cheering ourselves up again. We're not slime fans, in case that wasn't clear.

Actually, you know what? Shut up, us! Because those slime-based toys weren't all bad. Some of them, like modelling clay, encouraged those who played with them to be creative and build their own fun. Sound familiar? So in a roundabout way, slime was the Minecraft of it's time. So thank you, slime! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! Now to express our gratitude by hopefully never writing about you again.

Written by
Tom Stone

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